You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
