i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
