Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
