so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
