My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
