I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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