Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
