My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
