it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
