She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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