...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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