so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
