Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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