I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
