1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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