I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
