So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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