During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
