sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
