I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
