woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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