if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
