6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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