Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Panties = found
Randomize
