I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
