That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
