We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
