I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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