Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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