I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
