cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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