i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
