Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
