just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
