White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
