One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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