I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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