my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
