You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
