I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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