Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
