Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
