Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
