Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
