Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
