i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
