i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
