her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
