Me too!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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