Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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