be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
